*Woman To Woman * Tips and Tricks - Keeping Your Marriage Alive
This week Morning Glory and Lei have asked us to share with you our Tips and Tricks - Keeping your marriage alive: Whether you've been married for 38 years, 8 years or are a newlywed, you've probably picked up a few keys to a happy marriage, one which is nurturing and continues to grow. Maybe your marriage has struggled, but you've found a road back to each other and have insights to offer those in a similar situation.
David and I married while I was a senior in high school. We had a hope chest filled with items for our new life together and most of the furniture that we needed to set up our house was paid for piece by piece. It was our goal to try and stay debt free by only buying things with cash from our savings and to love each other and be happy until death do us part. On our wedding day in 1971, David and I were encouraged by our pastor to always remember; you both need me time, friend time, to support each other’s interests, and that a happy home consists of a couple working together as a team in all things from that day forward.
As David and I began our life together we made sure to give each other time with friends, we both developed new interests by supporting each other in their areas of interest, and we began our home life by always working together on the chores, yard work, cooking together when possible, and later caring for our children’s needs together. We decided that we wanted to set aside one day a week to be considered our date night, to have our supper by candlelight weekly, and to go on Sunday afternoon drives weekly. I know to some of you, it may not sound like a difficult challenge, however over a 32 year time span it was a challenge to remain consistent !
When our first child was born things did change in our relationship but, it was for the better. My grandparent’s kept our daughter on Saturday night’s so that we could have our date night. This continued after our second daughter was born with David’s mother keeping the girls. Later on we would rely on a very dear friend to watch them for an hour and half once a week until the girls were in their teens. This plan was still in place at the thirty two year marker.
These are some of the things that we did during our dates.
If the budget was limited:
Marabel Morgan’s book The Total Woman was recommended to me during the 70’s as an inspirational book for women. I purchased the book during my second daughter’s first stage of child development and found it to be helpful in helping to keep the romance alive in our marriage and to keep the family close and nurtured . My insights into finding the best of myself, my husband, our marriage, my children, and our family as a unit were enlightened by applying the techniques offered in The Total Woman book and the scriptures and teaching in our church.
As a family, we strived to have supper by candlelight weekly. Some of meals were very simple, (pigs-n-blankets, pizza and chips, campfire roasted hot dogs) but we all still had a special time together. Our oldest daughter once ask her dad, “ Do we not have lights, Daddy? ” His response to her was, “ Yes, we do have lights, but I wanted to look at all of my girls and their beautiful faces by candlelight tonight.” We all smiled at this loving man with tear filled eyes. On occasion, we used the fancy dishes as the girls called them. You will be surprised, what your children will remember from their childhood experiences as they marry, and have their own children.
A few other family activities that we enjoyed:
David was not only my husband, but my best friend. We kept the dating feeling alive by dating throughout our life together. We were always a team. As key leaders in our church we shared responsibilities with his boy’s and my girl’s teaching/camping units and some events together. At times when he worked in the yard or on vehicles, I would go out with him and be his help mate so that we could talk and spend additional time together. As times for conferences within our church or my teaching career came, and we were apart for brief times, we always did special things for each other during that time. David or I would: write a note for each day and put it inside a different piece of clothing or place in the suitcase. Call each morning and night to begin and end our day on the phone. He fulfilled my responsibilities within the home while I was away or vice a versa.
Other things that we did to help keep our marriage alive :
David and I were married thirty two years until he passed away suddenly in his sleep. This was difficult for me due to our close relationship for so many years. We both supported each other’s interests, we always worked together as a team in all things. In our home life ,we worked together on the chores, yard work, cooking together when possible, and raising and caring for our children’s needs always together.
Our goals that began with our marriage continued as log as we were married. We had our date nights, our suppers by candlelight weekly, our Sunday afternoon drives weekly and our romance stayed alive and exciting for thirty two years.
On our last afternoon together, David came over to our oldest daughter’s house where we were having a Creative Memories crop. He gave me, what I call, The Ultimate Gift. I had mentioned to David a couple of months previously ,that I would love to have a locket to put our children and grandchildren in. This November afternoon, he surprised us all by presenting me with a beautifully wrapped package filled with a gorgeous gold etched locket. David walked up behind me and placed the gift on my scrapbook page and said, “ Angela, I have a little something for you.” I looked up and he had the sweetest smile on his face. I could not ask for more in my life.
As you can see, God already had things in place this afternoon, to help me keep my wonderful memories alive, with me, forever.
I will write a post about The Ultimate Gift in the future.
